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Stuff my students say: attendance edition
See also: Stuff my students say (original flavor)
What my students say What my students mean I’m sick. As you are aware from my prolific and detailed Facebook updates, I was up very late last night making poor health choices, and now wish to be excused from established course or lesson expectations. I’m not sick. I’m very sick, and by the end of this hour, you will be, too. I have to go to the registrar/bank/doctor/store, and this is the only time I can do it. For some reason, even though I’m enrolled in your class during this time, I think this is a “time I can do it.” I have a family/fraternity/church/extracurricular thing that I have to go to. I wish to make choices but not suffer consequences. I’m going to be honest: I haven’t practiced, so I don’t want to waste your time. I believe that honesty, rather than being seen as a baseline expectation for civilized conversation, should be considered a noble enough gesture to excuse my failure to meet expectations. Did I miss anything important in class? I think your class is mostly time fillers and stalling, with the few “important” things scattered throughout the semester. I have something I have to do for another class. My other class is too important to blow off, but yours isn’t. Don’t worry, I already know the material. Expect me to crash and burn, hard, at the exam/jury. New endorsement deal
I am pleased to announce that, after several weeks of exciting and productive talks, I have signed on for an endorsement and development deal with an up-and-coming reed manufacturer. Here’s the official press release:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
April 1, 2010
Bret Pimentel Signs On As First FLAVOREEDS™ Artist
FORT WAYNE, Indiana.—FLAVOREEDS™ Flavored Clarinet and Saxophone Reeds, Inc., is pleased to announce the first in what it hopes will be a series of “fruit”ful relationships with professional woodwind players in developing and promoting its new professional line of premium cane instrument reeds.
The first FLAVOREEDS™ Artist to join the roster is multiple woodwind performer and educator Bret Pimentel. Dr. Pimentel has performed with such acts as Dave Brubeck, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and the O’Jays, and is currently Assistant Professor of Music at Delta State University. He is an experienced performer on all the major woodwind instruments, and expects to bring this expertise to bear in consulting on new and current product lines.
“As soon as I made a verbal commitment to the company, I forwarded them some thoughts about their new Papaya-Mango Bass Saxophone Reeds™,” Pimentel said in a telephone interview. “I found them to be a little overpowering in the papaya department, with not enough mango. I’m working closely with FLAVOREEDS™ to better balance the flavors.” Read More “New endorsement deal”
Internet forum field guide: the all-too-frequently asked questions
Welcome to the third installment of the Internet Forum Field Guide, a look at the wildlife that inhabits woodwind-related online message boards and forums. (Be sure to check out the first and second episodes as well.)
Today we look at common questions that are asked on the message boards. The diverse and varied answers as they appear in the wild are a discussion for another day; for brevity’s sake I will just provide the simplest, most accurate answer for each question.
Q. Hi you guys, rather than getting lessons with a teacher in my area, I figured I would become an amazing player by asking vaguely-worded questions here and getting a bunch of conflicting and possibly poorly-informed replies. Is this going to go well?
A. No.
Q. Hi you guys, I have ill-advisedly acquired an instrument of some make or model with which I am not suitably familiar. Can you please tell me that it was a really great find and is rare and desirable and “worth” some fantastic and precise amount of money?
A. No.
Q. Hi you guys, I do not by any stretch have sufficient disposable funds to obtain an instrument of playable quality. Can you recommend a model that is of the highest professional caliber but can be purchased for an unrealistically low cost?
A. No.
Q. Hi you guys, I am a student at one of the finest music schools, and I have weekly if not daily access to a very distinguished and successful teacher of my instrument. Since you all are perfect strangers and have undetermined credentials, would it be a good idea for me to ask you for suggestions on repertoire, equipment, and technique?
A. No.
Q. Hi you guys, if we each made a detailed list of all the instruments and accessories that we individually use, and posted them publicly here for some reason, would that be in any way interesting or useful?
A. No.
This concludes another episode of the Internet Forum Field Guide. Be careful out there.
Go practice
A farewell to woodwind playing
Woodwind t-shirts now available
I won’t make a habit of posting advertisements here, but I wanted to make you all aware of a new way you can support what I do here at bretpimentel.com while also increasing your own cool factor. Behold the woodwind doubler t-shirt:

the agency sent Sven, their most broodingly handsome t-shirt model It’s a nice quality American Apparel tee available in a variety of attractive and fashionable colors, with the logo in either black or white. A modest profit goes toward keeping the lights on here at your favorite woodwind blog and supports development of additional projects (like, for example, the Woodwind Doubling in Musicals list or the Fingering Diagram Builder).
The 5-instrument shirt is especially awesome, but there is also a saxophone-clarinet-flute version for the classic doubler, an oboe-bassoon version for the masochist, and a saxophone quartet version for those who want to “double” but prefer not to learn any new fingerings. I thought the four saxophone reeds looked sort of like cell phone reception “bars,” so there’s also a version with a dumb joke.

these images are simulated 
women’s styles, too

There’s probably still time for holiday delivery if you order soon. Order now and be the best-dressed in the orchestra pit.
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LOL.
Yeah!
This absolutely perfect! Thank you!
The eerily unsettling thing is a distant sense of self-recognition. I used a couple of these myself way back in the day….
Several of my private teachers would’ve hit Bingo during just one of my lessons. Ouch, my toes!
Excellent!
You have obviously been teaching the same students that I have been teaching, although one might substitute “my lesson books are in ______’s car, and they are not on campus”.