See also: Stuff my students say (original flavor)
| What my students say | What my students mean |
|---|---|
| I’m sick. | As you are aware from my prolific and detailed Facebook updates, I was up very late last night making poor health choices, and now wish to be excused from established course or lesson expectations. |
| I’m not sick. | I’m very sick, and by the end of this hour, you will be, too. |
| I have to go to the registrar/bank/doctor/store, and this is the only time I can do it. | For some reason, even though I’m enrolled in your class during this time, I think this is a “time I can do it.” |
| I have a family/fraternity/church/extracurricular thing that I have to go to. | I wish to make choices but not suffer consequences. |
| I’m going to be honest: I haven’t practiced, so I don’t want to waste your time. | I believe that honesty, rather than being seen as a baseline expectation for civilized conversation, should be considered a noble enough gesture to excuse my failure to meet expectations. |
| Did I miss anything important in class? | I think your class is mostly time fillers and stalling, with the few “important” things scattered throughout the semester. |
| I have something I have to do for another class. | My other class is too important to blow off, but yours isn’t. |
| Don’t worry, I already know the material. | Expect me to crash and burn, hard, at the exam/jury. |