Stuff my students say: attendance edition

See also: Stuff my students say (original flavor)

What my students say What my students mean
I’m sick. As you are aware from my prolific and detailed Facebook updates, I was up very late last night making poor health choices, and now wish to be excused from established course or lesson expectations.
I’m not sick. I’m very sick, and by the end of this hour, you will be, too.
I have to go to the registrar/bank/doctor/store, and this is the only time I can do it. For some reason, even though I’m enrolled in your class during this time, I think this is a “time I can do it.”
I have a family/fraternity/church/extracurricular thing that I have to go to. I wish to make choices but not suffer consequences.
I’m going to be honest: I haven’t practiced, so I don’t want to waste your time. I believe that honesty, rather than being seen as a baseline expectation for civilized conversation, should be considered a noble enough gesture to excuse my failure to meet expectations.
Did I miss anything important in class? I think your class is mostly time fillers and stalling, with the few “important” things scattered throughout the semester.
I have something I have to do for another class. My other class is too important to blow off, but yours isn’t.
Don’t worry, I already know the material. Expect me to crash and burn, hard, at the exam/jury.


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